Four Ways to Get Over the U.S. Post-Election Blues

bobby-blue-bland

I voted for Hillary Clinton. And long before Donald Trump won the U.S. Presidential Election last November, I expressed concern he would emerge as the victor.

Like many of you, my emotions ran predictably high on Election Eve. And then very early the following morning, I posted on Facebook to congratulate Mr. Trump and express my support. My thinking at the time was that ‘it’ was over and therefore WE needed to move on and provide at least initial support for our incoming leader.

And yet now, several weeks later, I am still very blue. Oh, don’t get me wrong. It’s not the prospect of Mr. Trump leading our nation that bothers me so much. It’s the continual displays of highly divisive behavior I see online, in our news outlets (silly me for reading the news), and in the physical world.

I guess I had naïvely assumed liberals were the standard-bearers of open-mindedness and acceptance. I thought more people would give this extremely unchartered world of ours a chance, perhaps even joining in with me on the classic John Lennon ditty, “All we are saying…Give Trump a chance!” (Oh come on now, lighten up).

Oops! Nope. Facebook is still a shit den of trolling, unnecessary and unprovoked spats, and incredibly immature ‘got to get the last word in’ replies onto the feed. And I don’t see it changing anytime soon. Unless we recognize how much potential power we all actually have….

We can start by acknowledging there is only one Donald Trump yet hundreds of millions of us. Therefore, how can we collectively raise ourselves to a higher standard? How can we exhibit more positive and courageous personal characteristics? How can we lead by example? How can we go high when they go low in our actions and not just our words over a sustainable period of time?

No, I’m not suggesting passiveness, a.k.a. bending over and simply taking it. My proposal is that a combined and unified positive energy will always prevail. But how? Here are four ways.

PRACTICE MORE EMPATHY – I wonder how many die-hard Clinton supporters have sat and spoken with die-hard Trump supporters in a non-emotional and non-confrontational way to simply ask and gain an understanding of why they supported Trump. My suggestion: Channel your inner Charlie Rose. Be curious. Be open minded! Accept that your opinion is only that, and nothing more. You are no more ‘right’ than they are ‘wrong.’ Look, I can be one easily triggered and emotionally sensitive mother fucker. But somehow I’ve found it within me to have peaceful conversations with middle managers, small business owners, non-caucasian females, my brother-in-law who is a former lifelong Democrat and leads a mid-sized law firm in New England, and many of my other relatives – all of whom supported Trump. I have learned a bit more about what it takes to run a small business and provide for hundreds of employees and their families through bad times, about the inner workings of the Affordable Character Act, and about how alleged deplorables are incredibly kind and loving people who stand behind their families and support their local communities. Empathy also means acknowledging that while you may be blue, many people are wildly elated right about now.

ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY AND LEARN FROM DEFEAT – Here is some free advice: If you run for President and lose after spending nearly 10 times more than your opponent, please don’t blame the Russians, the FBI, the NRA, your campaign manager, Lester Holt, Ted Nugent, et cetera. Take full responsibility and look within. Where did YOU fall down? What could YOU have done better? And what can you do better the next time out, if there is a next time out. I mean….whether you love or loathe the Electoral College, that is our current system, and under it Clinton lost badly.

TAKE POSITIVE ACTION – Sure, you can join a protest – I get it. But what else can you do that creates impact and change? Sorry to give you the tough love, but repetitively posting HuffPost articles critical of Trump to your like-minded Facebook friends who habitate your echo chamber accomplishes nothing, although it has pretty much gotten me off of Facebook – and I genuinely thank you for that. And I find few things more tragic than seemingly intelligent people who pine their entire adult lives away expressing melancholy for the entire four year period during which the person they didn’t support is leading the country – not just once, but continually over many decades. What a waste.

So, what can you do? Let’s say you believe Trump winning the election after decisively losing the popular vote is despicable. Well, can you use your social media prowess to organize among throngs of people several massive online email blasts and/or phone campaigns focused on your congressional representatives that propose eliminating the U.S. Electoral College system? Can you reach out to friends in other states to do the same thing targeted toward their representatives? What else can you do to support causes you believe in that is actionable, impactful, and intended toward a specific and plausible outcome?

THINK UNITY ALWAYS – Yes, of course you can be angry and scared. But can you STILL rise above these emotions and reach out? Can you STILL try and be the bigger person and not refer to those who disagree with you as ‘stupid?’ Most importantly, can you try to identify and embrace what is common in all of us – our hopes and aspirations as well as our anxieties? In short, can you make this phrase, “Let’s find common ground – ANY common ground –  and build upon it,” your mantra?

Here is some free advice: If after many decades of working hard and excelling as an actress, you attend a globally televised award show for your fellow actors and actresses in order to accept a lifetime achievement award, please allocate at least a small portion of your remarks toward expressing a conciliatory sense of unity, hope and optimism for the future that is directed to ALL the people who have paid to see your movies, and not just those who share your political views and cultural elitism. To quote comedian Trevor Noah responding to the unnecessary football diss alone, “You don’t have to make your point by shitting on someone else’s thing…”

In closing, we can do a hell of a lot better than simply ‘getting through’ this next four years. I KNOW we can thrive through it with more understanding, learning, constructive action, and a more embracing and unified approach.

It’s not up to him. It’s up to us. Can we step up together?

PHOTO: The legendary and timeless “Bobby Blue Bland.”

I Am A Victim. And Therefore I Rant.

 

trump-and-diamond

We are all witnessing and perhaps exhibiting in our own behaviors an increasingly widespread victim narrative. It’s the sentiment of white privileged billionaires who happen to be running for President as well as people of multiple nationalities, faiths, genders and income levels who live in this insanely abundant nation.

As just one example, you do know that it’s virtually unaffordable to get a college education these days, right? Therefore, masses of our youth get left behind, unable to participate in our economy. “The rich get richer. The poor get poorer. The system is rigged. There is nothing I can do except express my anger and frustration.” End of story.

And yet, even without the once promised largesse of Bernie Sanders backed by the checkbook of the Federal Government to provide a free public higher education for everyone, practically anyone can go to their local public library right now, get on a provided laptop, strap on a pair of provided headphones and earn the equivalent of a college degree for free. Yes, I’m glossing over some details. And no, getting that virtual piece of degree paper is not ‘easy.’ It is very VERY hard. This is because doing so takes a lot of work over a sustained period of time. It requires behaving very differently from anyone else in one’s family or circle of friends. But the process itself is simple. And it is eminently achievable. (Oh, and if you don’t care about an actual degree, then how about the equivalent of a freakin’ MIT degree? Fine print: This one will cost a few thousand bucks.)

Instead, our growing credo appears to be, “I AM A VICTIM!” Yes, of course there are hundreds of thousands if not millions of true blue victims in our society – victims of horrific crimes, of unimaginable racism, of agonizing physical and verbal abuse, and of so much more.

But invariably, the folks who gain more inner peace, who become better versions of themselves, who treat others with more kindness and respect, and who rise above over time don’t remain in the land of victim mentality. They typically don’t ruminate about the past for anything other than inspiration for themselves and others. They don’t look for enemies or conspirators. They don’t continually make excuses. And they don’t give up.

The government?

Where they were born?

Who they were born to and how they were raised?

What has happened to them in their adult life?

That shitty boss? The fact they’ve had so many bosses?

That shitty company that treats their employees like shit?

Racism? Sexism? Any other “ism?”

Nope.

My questions:

When do we stop blaming and protesting? And when do we start thinking, behaving and acting differently in the world?

When do we increasingly focus on those elements we can control and stop whining about factors that are out of our control? Hint: most news stories that outrage you are likely focused on stuff you can’t do anything about.

When do we start living more in the world of cause and less in the world of effect, even if doing so is simply a figment of our imagination?

Because, please tell me the downside of having a vividly positive imagination…

I mean seriously, if a fucking BILLIONAIRE is whining about his alleged powerlessness versus a rigged ‘system,’ do the rest of us have any hope?

My response:

We do.

But hey, that’s so easy for me to say. After all, I’m a white man of privilege living smack in the middle of an enclave of multi-million dollar homes in Silicon Valley.

But then come to think of it, let me root back to my past:

Was I verbally abused by my Dad for many years as a kid? CHECK!

Was I endlessly teased in grade school and never felt like I fit in? CHECK!

Have I experienced immobilizing depressions? CHECK!

Did I live in a filthy, noisy, decrepit and cockroach infested shit hole for nearly a decade after college and drive in a rust box so hideous that women would literally run down the street like I was Godzilla? CHECK!

Did I suffer from chronic back pain for years so agonizing that all I could do after work was lie on the floor? CHECK!

All this while in the decade or so following graduation my college classmates were making two-to-three X more than me and getting married, having kids, yadda yadda yadda. CHECK!

Oh and speaking of getting married, my wife almost died last Summer. CHECK! (We’ll save the details for another article).

But please don’t play misty for me because I am grateful for all of it. After all, I am where I am because over time I recognized the victim routine wasn’t working for me. I needed to change my thinking patterns and become a hero for myself and those around me.

In fact, let me share how I choose to reframe my alleged past misfortunes. Given my life experience I now:

  • Recognize the profound power of my thoughts.
  • Behave with more empathy toward others.
  • Am able to apply more concentrated focus when and where I need to.
  • Have an increasingly improved self-concept.
  • Am a better and more mindful parent.
  • Am more resilient.
  • Have more financial abundance.

Therefore the narrative I choose to embrace (again with that word “choose”…hmmm….) is that I am one of the luckiest guys in the world. And if you want to know the ‘why’ and ‘how’ behind this, then please delve into my previous articles where I talk about the power of our mindsets, our thoughts, our beliefs, our habits and our actions in the current moment. This work is not easy. It is VERY hard. But the process itself is simple. And it is eminently achievable.

I don’t have to tell you that giving your money and more importantly your time to help other people and causes is vital. But my belief is that every day and in so many little ways, acting as a more positive and empowered force for good is the best ‘thing’ you can do for you and for us and for the USA (if that’s where you happen to live). Got it, Donald?

End of rant.

Live More Fully By Paying Attention To This Dead Guy

nathaniel branden

Pay attention to this dead guy who had a bizarre love affair with the controversial Ayn Rand while married to his first of many wives.

Oh, that’s not enough?

Pay attention to this dead guy who built a lifetime practice focused on self-esteem, a concept that seems more than a bit out of favor these days. But perhaps this is because many people have an incorrect perception of self esteem.

Self-esteem isn’t about getting a trophy, a star and a congratulatory hug for simply showing up at life’s occasions. Not everybody ‘wins.’ However, it is about being worthy of happiness, a quality we generate within ourselves through our own thoughts, behaviors and actions.

Self-esteem isn’t about wallowing lazily in a lovely world where everything automagically goes your way. Instead, it is defined by an ability to face and manage life’s frequent and inevitable challenges.

Self-esteem isn’t about self-love, which is often construed by skeptics to be consistent with narcissism. Instead, it’s about self-acceptance (see below for more on this concept).

Self-esteem isn’t something you ‘give’ to others. Rather, it requires your own work and development for yourself. Yes, you can create an environment that encourages children to cultivate their own self-esteem, but the seedlings must grow into healthy plants on their own.

To say that Dr. Nathaniel Branden, aka the forementioned ‘dead guy,’ led a complicated personal life is an extreme understatement. But we owe a huge debt to him for his contributions to the field of self-esteem. That said, I don’t understand how his findings have been so misinterpreted. But let’s not even argue the point. Because if one looks at Dr. Branden’s book, “The Six Pillars of Self Esteem,” she/he can optionally throw away the self-esteem label and instead use these principles as a guide for living a more fulfilled, meaningful, productive, ethical and positively inspired life. Don’t believe me? Read on.

Six Practices for Building Self-Esteem, or Whatever the F You Want to Call It Instead

Here is a brief description of the six pillars in Dr. Branden’s own words.

1. The practice of living consciously: respect for facts; being present to what we are doing while we are doing it; seeking and being eagerly open to any information, knowledge, or feedback that bears on our interests, values, goals, and projects; seeking to understand not only the world external to self but also our inner world, so that we do not [sic] out of self-blindness.

My comment: It’s up to us as individuals to improve in this area. That’s because societially we are arguably facing a ‘lack of consciousness crisis’ due in part to the usual culprits: tech gadgets, social media and the news media. And no, I’m not a Luddite who churns my own butter, but wouldn’t that be tasty?

2. The practice of self-acceptance: the willingness to own, experience, and take responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and actions, without evasion, denial, or disowning – and also without self-repudiation; giving oneself permission to think one’s thoughts, experience one’s emotions, and look at one’s actions without necessarily liking, endorsing, or condoning them; the virtue of realism applied to the self.

My comment: This is an important distinction from how self-esteem skeptics might define ‘self-love.’ Self-acceptance implies owning up to our own failings. It means we accept rather than reject any part of ourselves, with our flaws and all. We may not ‘like’ this part of ourselves and may strive to ‘do’ better in the future, but we accept our imperfections, again, without necessarily being resigned to them. In other words, there need be no, “This is just the way I am,” types of cop outs here.

3. The practice of self-responsibility: realizing that we are the author of our choices and actions; that each one [of] us is responsible for life and well-being and for the attainment of our goals; that if we need the cooperation of other people to achieve our goals, we must offer values in exchange; and that [the] question is not “Who’s to blame?” but always “What needs to be done?”

My comment: This is the hallmark of any personal development program. It sounds easy in principle and is difficult in practice, due to societal conditioning. Please note an important distinction: an adverse circumstance in your life may very well not be your fault. However it is arguably your responsibility to address and attempt correcting it.

4. The practice of self-assertiveness: being authentic in our dealings with others; treating our values and persons with decent respect in social contexts; refusing to fake the reality of who we are or what we esteem in order to avoid disapproval; the willingness to stand up for ourselves and our ideas in appropriate ways in appropriate contexts.

My comment: To be blunt, this is mutually exclusive from feeling like one needs to ‘break glass’ and/or behave like a douchebag in order to get her or his way. Notice Dr. Branden’s term, “in appropriate ways in appropriate contexts.” I am putting all office douchebags, including myself in a former life, on notice here. Case in point: if someone calls you a ‘strong cup of coffee,’ that is not a compliment.

5. The practice of living purposefully: identifying our short-term and long-term goals or purposes and the actions needed to attain them (formulating an action-plan); organizing behavior in the service of those goals; monitoring action to be sure we stay on track; and paying attention to outcome so as to recognize if and when we need to go back to the drawing-board.

My comment: Arguably this is among the more straightforward of Dr. Branden’s principles. And yet, how many of us set goals, build plans, measure results and course-correct for all the major areas of our lives, and not just our career.

6. The practice of personal integrity: living with congruence between what we know, what we profess, and what we do; telling the truth, honoring our commitments, exemplifying in action the values we profess to admire.

My comment: I would quadruple underline the word ‘congruence.’ This is about better aligning our thoughts and beliefs with what comes out of our mouths and, most importantly, how we act.

At this point, if you are still not with me, let’s play a devil’s advocate mind game.Think about the consequences of playing the infamous George Costanza ‘do the opposite’ skit in each of these areas. George behaved against what his instincts indicated he should do and landed a new girlfriend, a killer job with The New York Yankees and a sweet apartment in Manhattan. But moving beyond the world of nostalgic TV sitcoms, how do we and those we influence – including our children – gain from our thinking less consciously, rejecting ourselves, blaming others more, behaving less assertively, living purposelessly, and operating with no integrity?

Again, ditch the fecking label if you want to. But I can’t be convinced these pillars aren’t vital elements in living more fully.

Great. So What Do I Do Now?

First, I’d strongly consider adding Dr. Branden’s seminal book to your reading list. It goes into exhaustively more detail on these six pillars. It is lengthy, It is dry. It is humorless. It is not an easy read. And it is absolutely worth it.

Second, and the book provides specific instructions on this in the six chapters highlighting each of the pillars as well as in the Appendix, consider practicing Dr. Branden’s sentence completion exercises for a period of time. A few years ago I  completed a few 30 day stints with a morning and night practice of sentence completion exercises. While it’s not easy, and no, I have not attempted the entirety of what I’m about to describe, it will definitely increase your in-the-moment awareness by highlighting areas of your thinking and behaviors that merit further exploration. Just go here and read through the instructions and sentence stems for the first of two 30 week exercises. Lest the potential of spending more than a year on a personal development journey seems insane, Mr. Branden suggests taking no more than 20 minutes per day for this practice.

And notice how many of these practice sentence stems are focused on one’s interactions with other people versus engaging exclusively in self-introspection. Improving in these areas is perhaps an ideal way to become a more peaceful and pleasant human being who operates as a positive role model for others.

Better grades and more athletic trophies for the kids? Loftier job titles and mo’ money for you? Sure, that all sounds awesome. At the same time, I’ll take behaving in the world as a more peaceful, pleasant and positive role model any day.

As is so often the case I have some work to do. Namaste.

 

 

A Humble Suggestion As We Navigate the Road to Self-Driving Cars

[NOTE: This week I’m taking a break from writing about mindset to pontificate a little bit about technology. Besides, the only other mindset topic I can think about was how earlier this week some friends of ours who live a few blocks away were asked by an anonymous neighborhood college student, in the form of a multiple page handwritten letter left on their doorstep, to take down the Trump signs in their front windows. Said letter also included a mention of how their house is the ugliest one on the street. While I’m definitely not a Trump fan, I unequivocally endorse thoughts, behaviors and actions directed toward open-mindedness, non-judgmentalism and unequivocal freedom of speech. Got it? Get it? Good!]

Lost-In_Space_Chariot

The growing froth and excitement around self-driving cars is understandable. They promise reduced auto fatalities, far more flexibility, and the ability to hoist one’s legs onto the dashboard and smoke endo while commuting to work. But let’s start by taking things way down from the very beginnings of this new promised land, as is now showcased in Tesla’s ‘auto-pilot’ feature.

What can we do now to further propel the evolution of practical AND cool technology inside of more modestly priced cars that make them easier to operate, more fun, and safer to operate?

Well, let’s start with a question. Do you own a $180 Amazon Echo or have you spent some time with one a friend owns? Because once you do, that lovely and amorphous ‘Lady in the Cloud’ we call Alexa may cause you to re-think many of the technology devices that surround you. Yes, that includes your formerly beloved iPhone. Sorry Siri.

Despite its relatively crappy sound, the Amazon Echo is all about the music. With simple voice commands bellowed from across the room, I access not just Amazon Prime Music stations and playlists, but also Pandora and Spotify as well as a myriad of bona fide Internet radio stations and podcasts thanks to TuneIn radio integration. To test Alexa’s mettle, have I spoken as rapidly as I can to request 20 second bursts of completely random songs? Oh yes I have.

Beyond music, getting the weather forecast, a sports score, checking on the shipping status of your Amazon order, asking for a joke…so many possibilities.

And yet, early this morning I got into my brand new souped up $30,000 Toyota Prius feeling just a bit of melancholy. Sure, the Prius has Siri Hands-Free voice integration for making phone calls and firing up Apple music stations, artists and playlists. But I can’t voice-hail Pandora, Spotify, or TuneIn, et cetera. Yes, the Prius also comes with its own voice recognition capabilities for making phone calls and operating the navigation system, as do fancier Lexus automobiles. But it’s primitive and often doesn’t work properly or at all.

Therefore I wonder…if the Echo features home automation capabilities that can switch one’s Philips Hue lights on and off and turn the temperature setting lower on a NEST thermostat – thanks to APIs and integration between these different branded devices – why can’t automotive manufacturers start working with Amazon…like TODAY…to add much better voice recogntion and AI technology into their automobiles?

While I thank the Ford Motor company for announcing an early step to integrate its cars with Alexa’s ability to turn on the kitchen lights before arriving home at the end of a long day, what I’m talking about is voice-controlled automation within my C-MAX.

As you can probably tell by now, I’m just a suburban caveman and certainly not an engineer. But it seems to me the automobile is the perfect closed-loop system. Combine this with the ability to access the Internets via a hotspot device embedded within the OBD II port underneath the steering column and voila…we have ourselves some magic. Just what the hell am I talkin’ bout, Willis? Here goes…

A) I’d like to make the most minute seat adjustments and not have to mess with a bunch of buttons.

B) We’ve already covered car audio system possibilities. But what about volume control? And yes, I’d love to be able to scream, “Turn up the bass,” while stopped at a traffic light as well. While we’re at it, most sound systems need more treble.

C) Here’s an admittedly first world scenario. I’m all ready for that exciting day trip with the family. But first let me spend five frustrating minutes in my driveway dickering with the new nav system and its arcane interface.  Yes, I know I can use my Google Maps on my smartphone but I just bought a new car…DUDE!

D) What about controlling the ventilation system – warmer, cooler, higher or lower fan speeds, front and rear defrosters?

E) Slower or faster windshield wiper settings and a quick spritz to clean off bird poo, anyone?

F) How about setting the cruise control for the precise speed I want, rather than the typically awkward gas pedal-striving for that perfect MPH and then rapidly flinging the lever rapidly downward?

G) Sure, newer cars have headlights that turn on automatically but what about the ability to voice-control them manually, or simply to turn on whatever the hell those things are called – parking lights?

Here is where I’m going with this. When I drive, I don’t want to be distracted at all. Yet distracted driving isn’t just about burying one’s face in her/his smartphone. Therefore I submit that Alexa-powered smarter cars with bona fide voice recognition and AI technology will contribute to more intentional driving.

Goddammit! You see, the thing that sucks about the Amazon Echo is that it makes one realize how limited so many of our other shiny new object tech devices are. But stated more opportunistically and optimistically and to reiterate the classic cliché, Alexa changes everything.

Better yet, given that Google and Apple are now poising to introduce Amazon Echo challengers, this doesn’t have to exclusively be a Jeff Bezos party.

Yes, I know this may be difficult to achieve. But at the end of the day, all I’m initially talking about is thinking more expansively and combining seemingly disconnected technology universes that yield more practical, interactive, enjoyable and safe experiences.

Oops. I guess this was an article about mindset after all.

On Slowing Down and Detaching

the-straight-storyLast February and March I reached the peak of training for another half marathon. And I seemingly had slayed the injured hip dragon that has crept into my skeletal structure every year or two from overtraining.

Hmmm….not so fast.

As my long weekly Saturday run climbed from 10 to 11 and then 12 miles, which is where I would end it before tapering. Well, I never made it to the taper stage. With increasing intensity, my hip pain resurfaced until early morning on March 31st I hobbled for five extremely painful miles.

The next morning I got on a plane to Boston with my wife and daughter. By the time my feet hit land I was limping badly. During the next few days of intermittent late season snow storms I could barely walk. My in-laws have very steep stairs in their home, a harrowing adjustment after negotiating the easy climes of our ranch house in San Carlos, California. Witnessing my grimacing attempts to slowly negotiate each steps while grabbing onto the side rails was not a pretty sight.

And so by force I slowed down. Way down. As my planned half marathon was taking place on April 10th, I then had to detach from the notion of competing in that race and from running for an indefinite time afterward.

For someone who enjoys being outdoors before most anyone else is and cranking up his endorphin levels while listening to indie rock, slowing down is challenging. Detaching is that much more difficult, particularly given my addictive personality. For the first few weeks I literally felt like I was in mourning. My emotional and mindset compass was way off.

And yet just a few weeks later I’m adjusting well. My pain is now mostly tolerable. I’m walking a few brisk miles every day instead of running four times per week. While tt is slow going, I have more time to think, to listen and pay more attention to audiobooks and podcasts, and to take in my surroundings. I’m also biking more frequently on short runs to grocery stores and to my volunteering gigs at a nearby high school in Redwood City and middle school in San Carlos.

I’m enjoying this slowing down and detaching process. Case in point, I wonder if and when I’ll get back to running. My aim at this point is to get back into it with short and slow jogs this July. But I’m not so sure. By slowing down and detaching I feel better – less forced, less grinded down, and more even keeled. I haven’t gained measurable weight even though I’m burning far fewer calories. And I’ve become comfortable with the typical runners’ anxiety associated with having to begin training from ground zero yet again.

And so now let’s talk about you. Are there opportunities for you and your family to slow down and detach? Is it signing up for one less sports activity even though you are convinced your kid will love youth soccer? Is it not running hurriedly from one scheduled  event to the next all weekend long and instead engaging in creative free play time?

And what about you at work? Do you need to detach from responding to emails and texts within 60 seconds of receiving them? Do you need to detach from attending every meeting you’re invited to? Do you need to detach from multitasking during the meetings you do attend in order to be more focused? Do you need to work more slowly and with fewer distractions in order to ensure the quality of your deliverables is consistently higher? Do you need to detach from idle workplace conversations? And not that I subscribe to your being aimless and goal-less, but do you need to detach from your obsession with getting that promotion on your terms and time frame? In short, where can you slow down and detach in order to gain more ‘flow,’ attain greater peace of mind, and become more impactful?

Our world doesn’t reward slowing down and detaching. More-Faster-Better is our current and somewhat paradoxical mantra. And yet irreverent, inner directed and positively guided contrarians have an uncanny way of kicking ass, taking names and feeling more fulfilled over the long term. Don’t trust me? Just ask this guy.

Or maybe I’m completely full of crap and have been listening to too much Simon & Garfunkel.

But I don’t think so.

(Photo: The Straight Story)

Stop Trump Now!

 

Dump Trump

Last Saturday out here in greater San Francisco land, my wife, daughter and I drove from the mid-Peninsula up through Sonoma Wine Country to attend a wedding in Kenwood. After 80 minutes of traffic heaven got us to the other side of the Golden Gate Bridge, we came upon a MINI Cooper with a large cardboard plackard attached to its rear bumper. From a few car lengths away, all one could see was a giant red STOP sign. As we got closer the bold black type underneath became legible. It read “Trump Now!”

I immediately thought to myself that this kind of behavior duplicated widely is a sure-fire way to ensure Mr. Trump’s ascendancy to the presidency. I know the dying news media cannot help themselves in their obsession with Trump. They need the eyeballs and know that more Trump coverage is the way to get it. Do I think if they ignored him, he’d pretty much go away? Yes I do.

Say what?

By way of explanation, I am one of those so-called whack jobs who believes strongly in the Law of Attraction – that what you think about is what you bring about. There are a lot of us cult-like followers in your midst. We just keep our mouths shut nearly all of the time in order to not subject ourselves to ridicule or incarceration.

But wait, I’m going to get weirder on you. I am absolutely convinced the universe doesn’t recognize the terms ‘no,’ ‘stop,’ or ‘war on,’ among other expressions that convey what we are against versus what we are for. When we repeatedly say, “Stop gun violence now!” the universe hears GUN VIOLENCE. When we repeatedly yell, “War on drugs!,” the universe hears DRUGS. When we gain a few pounds and repeatedly exclaim we want to “lose fat,” the universe hears FAT. When we repeatedly complain, “I am poor,” the universe hears POOR. In all these cases, the very thing we don’t want is inevitably what we get more of.

“What you think about expands. If your thoughts are centered on what’s missing, then what’s missing, by definition, will have to expand.” – Wayne Dyer

Yes, I know. Weird, weird, weird. But I believe this to be true. In fact I am convinced it IS a law.

So what are we to do in order to work with and not against this ‘law?’ Instead of focusing on what we don’t want or on what we’re fighting against, we can simply emphasize what it is we do want with clarity. Instead of using the term ‘gun violence,’ we can declare a manifesto for peace on our streets. Instead of vilifying drugs, we can herald an era of clean living. Instead of bemoaning our fat, we can laser-focus our minds on becoming lean and mean.

Lest you are thinking I’m talking about the often-criticized adoration several years ago with “The Secret,” not for a second am I expressing any credence toward a belief you can simply visualize each day for a year about owning a Tesla Model S, and POOF, the Tesla – complete with ‘Auto-Pilot’ and a pre-installed home charger – will appear in your driveway. Nope, this is about setting aggressive positive goals, taking massive amounts of action, getting comfortable with extensive delays of gratification, and course-correcting as we march along our merry ways.

While we’re going down Strange Avenue, I don’t believe opposites attract, just as I don’t think that focusing on what you don’t want or on what you fear yields any type of ‘success’ in getting what you do want. People often laugh at how my wife and I couldn’t be more different, yet they have never heard the two of us discuss our aligned values, nor listened to our frequent conversations on shared passions like personal development and spirituality.

As another example, let’s talk about that wedding we attended up in wine country. It was alcohol free. The food served was vegetarian only. In attendance among people of every age were a range of spiritual seekers, successful small business entrepreneurs, and an extremely large Italian family. Everyone seemed to be healthy, at peace, happy, and wishing nothing but the best for the bride and groom. Yes, I know it was a wedding after all. But I have rarely attended a large gathering with a happier and mellower vibe emanating from a herd of more like-minded people. I’ll admit that initially breaking the ice without the pleasurably numbing effects of booze was a bit disconcerting. But the resulting dinner conversations were deeper and more meaningful.

And as far as Donald Trump is concerned, I’m not focusing on him at all. I don’t read articles about him, watch TV coverage on him, get involved with discussions or debates about him, et cetera. And by now I’m hoping you know why. To repeat, it’s because this attraction thing is a law. Got it? Get it? Good. Now let’s focus on what we want. End of sermon.

FOOTNOTE: Check out how this ‘law’ operates in your workplace. Observe who hangs out with whom, what the topics of discussion are among different groups of people such as those colleagues who aren’t engaged in their job, who the highest performers hang with and who they tend to avoid. At your j-o-b as in everywhere else, the ‘law’ of like attracting like is always in operation. The more aware you are of this, the better armed you will be to become more intentional in your thoughts, behaviors and actions in order to make this principle work for you.

Here Is What’s Scarier Than Terrorism

MeatballMarinaraActually, there are a number of phenomena that concern me more than terrorism. Global warming would easily be in my top five. But my most immediate fear here in the United States? That’s easy. Distraction.

Just this morning on my way back from the gym I saw the aftermath of a three car pileup on a wide, flat and easy peasy main thoroughfare in my hometown. Nobody was injured. All three drivers were in clear view. The weather was perfect. The sun was not blinding. There could only have been one issue. Distraction.

I live less than one block away from an elementary school. To the immediate right past one house there is a four way intersection with four stop signs. To the left about 400 yards down the street is another four way intersection with four stop signs. This morning I was on the street speaking with my neighbor when I witnessed an all too frequent sight – someone driving at least 25 miles per hour with their face buried in their smartphone as said car was in full movement. Distraction.

My neighbor then told me about her former boss, who several months ago had purchased a completely souped up high-end Mercedes. Two weeks after she left the dealership she was broadsided and left badly bruised. Her car was totaled. Once the police arrived the other driver admitted he was on his smartphone. Distraction.

But wait, here’s one more. Last summer I saw someone drive down our street seemingly using their legs to steer because they were using their two hands to eat a bowl of spaghetti. I’m not kidding. Distraction.

According to the CDC more than 2,920 people in the US are killed each year due to distracted driving. Basically we have ourselves a 9/11 event here in America every year. But unlike the real 9/11 or last week’s events in Brussels and Lahore – to name just two incidents, nobody seems to give much of a shit about distraction. Sure, AT&T may have its ‘It Can Wait‘ social media campaign and you might see a bumper sticker here or there, but I don’t hear our presidential candidates talking about this one. And traffic tickets issued for being caught using a smartphone while driving are akin to a hand slap, i.e., a fraction of the cost of your typical speeding ticket. Police officers I speak with in our small community readily admit there is not a whole lot they can do to discourage drivers away from this deadly habit. What bugs them most are folks who catch a minute or two with their device at a traffic light. Most of these people slowly or perhaps never put their phone down when the light turns green. Distraction.

Don’t get me wrong. I strongly empathize with any and all victims of terrorism. But apparently if you live in the States your chances of being killed by a terrorist are 1 in 20 million. Yet unlike terrorism I don’t see any of CNN’s screaming anchors getting us into a full-on lather about the risks of choking to death on a meatball sub with melted provolone cheese and spicy cherry peppers. Yeah that’s right. You have an exponentially greater likelihood of getting killed because you choke on food: 1 in 4,404. (sources)

And so here you are, perhaps still reading this, wishing I would stop sermonizing because: a) who the feck do I think I AM I anyway? and b) you live in a big city and don’t even own a FECKING car. OK then.

Well in all due respect, can you please just shut the FECK up for ONE MINUTE. Let’s assume you work in a hustling and bustling tech company. During the course of your work days you attend a lot of meetings – so many in fact that it’s seemingly impossible to get all your deliverables completed. The solution is easy. You and most everyone else attending your meetings spend a measurable amount of time multitasking during said meetings. As one person speaks you can hear the clicking away of multiple keyboards, almost like an old school teletype newsroom sound effect.* The end result: lower productivity. The cause: Distraction.

Or perhaps you spend a measurable amount of time at the office on social media or gossiping. Come on. You think nobody notices the time stamps on your Facebook posts? Really? Distraction.

Talk to the most senior HR executive at your company and ask what keeps her/him up at night. Their answer will likely be, ‘lack of employee engagement.’ Distraction.

The opposite of distraction is focus. And one’s ability to focus for prolonged periods of time increasingly sets her/him apart in every walk of life. I think of the leaders I have worked with whom I have most admired. All of them had an ability to curb distractions and aim their minds and actions toward a single activity. Sure, one may surmise they can do this because they ARE executives with quiet offices and strong, able-bodied EAs who keep people like you and me away from them. But then, how did they rise toward the top in the first place? Hint: It wasn’t because of their masterful ability to respond to emails while ambling down the freeway in their Tesla.

The ways to curb distraction are straightforward. Mindfulness. Awareness. Single-task focus. Intention. You can build these muscles up by meditating. Just listen to your breathing for five minutes. And then do a meditation-like thing throughout your day. How?

When you are driving, drive.

When you are walking, walk.

When you are in a meeting, participate fully in the meeting.

When you are with your kids in the park, be with your kids in the park and not on a conference call.

If you need to de-stress at work leave your cubicle and take a walk. Anywhere. And yes, leave your smartphone behind for 15 to 30 minutes.

Let’s take individual responsibility. Let’s own this.

End of sermon. Now please leave a buck in the pail so I can buy the iPhone 7 when it ships in the Fall. Distraction.

*Yeah I just checked. New York’s 1010 WINS Newsradio still uses the teletype sound effect in the background even though they got rid of their teletype machines more than 25 years ago.